Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
