sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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