I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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