Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
