plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize