he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
