Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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