Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
