My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
