wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
