the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
