I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
