Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
