Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
