I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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