i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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