im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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