this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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