Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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