she was so not down for the gang bang
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize