I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
