Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
