she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
