How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize