Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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