Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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