We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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