I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What drink are we having for lunch?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
