i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
