You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
