I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
