so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
