Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
