p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
