so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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