i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
