i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
