like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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