so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
