I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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