That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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