dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
