Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
