he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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