How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
