I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
