Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
