Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
