she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
