how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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