he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
