maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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