i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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