why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
