dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
