Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
