I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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