I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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