when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
