YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
