If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
