i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
