you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
