drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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